Since my birthday is coming up this weekend (and my anniversary, and yes, I get awesome gifts) I thought I would share a story from birthday number 37, which was not THAT long ago, thank you very much.
My younger sister used to live around the corner from us. Our backyards connected. We removed a section of fence so we could walk to each other's homes without having to share our lack of support garments with the neighborhood. The night before my 37th birthday, she was over visiting. Around 10 p.m., the phone rang. Wrong number. Around 10:02, the phone rang again. Wrong number again but this time? It was a different caller.
"Who did they ask for?" Sister inquired.
"Actually," I responded, "they both sounded like they were asking for the same thing. Bay Call? What is that, like the San Francisco phone company?" So we finished our beers. There was one more wrong number. At about 11 p.m. Bay Call? WTF?
Next morning, I was enjoying sleeping in for my birthday. Except that the phone started ringing at 7 a.m. Incessantly. And every one trying to reach Bay Call. Happy Birthday to me. Around 8:30, I gave up and got up to have breakfast and read the paper. I love the Detroit Free Press. Coffee and paper...birthday heaven. I decide to just let the phone ring. When they got the answering machine, most of them hung up. Most.
At around 10 a.m., my dad came over. My parents lived about a mile away from us. He came over because my mom was trying to call and sing Happy Birthday (family tradition), but she couldn't get through on the phone. No shit.
As I am explaining the situation to my dad, I turn the page in the paper, and there it is: a full page ad from Bayer Pharmaceuticals regarding the recall of their cholesterol medication, Baycol. Yes, you guessed it. These calls were somehow being routed to my home phone. And this ad? Had been published that morning in every major daily in America. Holy crap.
I believe it was Karl Jung who once said, "When life gives you lemons, they make a great martini garnish." So I unplugged the answering machine from the phone line, recorded a new message something like this, "Hello. This is NOT Bayer Pharmaceuticals. This is a private home. I cannot help you with your cholesterol medication. However, it is my birthday today, and if you'd like to leave me a birthday message, please do so at the sound of the beep."
Come back tomorrow for Pt. II, the recorded messages.
Oh, this is good! More more more.
Posted by: drwende | August 06, 2008 at 10:10 AM
LOL! I love it! I hope someone sings you a good one!
Posted by: Jess | August 06, 2008 at 10:24 AM
You don't have to be too specific if you're sensitive about your age, but about how long ago was this? Either the universe loves and wants to feed your blog, or it was screaming out to you that you were destined to start one.
Cause that is just gold-- why can't I have devastatingly irritating things like that happen to me??
Posted by: LiteralDan | August 06, 2008 at 10:46 AM
can't wait for part II
Posted by: erin | August 06, 2008 at 10:57 AM
drwende, erin - tune in tomorrow a.m.!
Jess - you won't be disappointed. Thanks for the comment!
LiteralDan - I'll be 45 this weekend, so this was in 2000. NOBODY had a blog then. I will tell you that I was not the first person to publicly write about this episode. More tomorrow.
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 11:06 AM
I cannot wait to hear those messages. Gotta love technology.
Posted by: Scargosun | August 06, 2008 at 11:18 AM
scargosun - gotta love Husband, without whom my knowledge of technology would probably suck.
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 11:59 AM
That is fantastic. I have a number very close to a Chinese shopping mall in my city. It's great when I answer in English but the caller keeps asking for mall hours in Cantonese.
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | August 06, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Oh, and you can guest post for me anytime.
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | August 06, 2008 at 01:35 PM
Captain D. - we once had the same regular phone number as the Spaghetti Factory Restaurant in Toledo. We lived in Detroit. Hel-LO poeple! Different state implies different area code, n'est ce pas? Occasionally we took reservations.
Just let me know when you'll be out of town and I'll take over your empi...I mean, entertain your readers...on a temporary basis.
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 01:59 PM
OH GOD. POST THE MESSAGES. It was absolutely horrible and hysterical. Our phone became the PLAGUE.
Posted by: Ms. Partly Cloudy | August 06, 2008 at 05:38 PM
Posting again. On IE. Because life (you) are evil.
Posted by: Ms. Partly Cloudy | August 06, 2008 at 05:41 PM
Ms. Partly - messages tomorrow and thanks for the test-post!
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 05:42 PM
testing a comment in the in-NetNewsWire browser on Leopard.
Also - let me know if you have any trouble. I work for TypePad, so I'm happy to help out.
Posted by: ginevra | August 06, 2008 at 06:19 PM
Wow! How did you know there was a problem? Also, did you go nuts when the last Harry Potter book came out and everyone realized you have the same name as Ginny Weasley?
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 06:30 PM
Hi, I just spent an hour or so going through your archives. Great blog! I kind-of replied to your comment on "deboobifying" on Already Pretty blog. Check it out...
Posted by: lopi the fashion architect | August 06, 2008 at 07:13 PM
Lopi - Welcome and Thanks! I will head back over to Already Pretty in the midst of my compulsive blog reading...
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 07:21 PM
Cannot WAIT for Part II! I'll toast your birthday with a martini this weekend.
Posted by: Tracie | August 06, 2008 at 07:46 PM
Tracie - I plan a toast or two myself!
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | August 06, 2008 at 08:07 PM
Unbelievably great story....write a full article and send it in to a magazine. It's funny and painful all at the same time.
Posted by: Laura | August 07, 2008 at 08:58 PM
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle online: http://tinyurl.com/6hwlhy
Posted by: Jenny, Bloggess | September 07, 2008 at 09:47 AM
Yay! Jenny likes me! It makes me want to be an angry cross-dresser! Yay! Jenny likes Eddie Izzard, too! It makes me want to be a funny cross-dresser!
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | September 07, 2008 at 12:15 PM
Had an almost-same thing happen to me, except:
1. It started at midnight and continued for days, every few minutes.
2. It was a re-route of a long-distance phone card.
3. None of the phone-card users who phoned me instead of the Dominican Republic spoke English.
4. I had to change my number to make it stop.
Fun!
That decision to let people record birthday greetings? Absolutely brilliant.
Posted by: New Age Bitch | September 07, 2008 at 02:21 PM
Way to turn lemons into lemonade! I'm impressed...and horrified by the mistake the company made with their ad!
Posted by: Rhea | September 07, 2008 at 02:56 PM
NAB - thanks, and it turned out to be fun. Signed, Old World Bitch
Rhea - I was only horrified at 7:00 a.m. on my birthday when I wanted to sleep in.
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | September 07, 2008 at 04:00 PM