Well, if that title doesn't get me some interesting Google search hits, I don't know what will. This is a multi-part story of my life from late Summer 2004 to Spring 2005. And a little bit beyond.
At the time, Younger Sis lived around the corner from us. We live in a town that borders the city of Detroit. Racially mixed, very nicely real-world. Mostly blue-collar. Home sizes and values on the low side of middle class, which suits us just fine, thank you very much. The schools have terrific teaching staffs here. There is some minor gang stuff at the (only) middle and high school here, but, as I said, it's very real-world. Everyone's not rich, or pretty, or the same color, just regular people. We like it that way.
When we moved in fifteen years ago (1993), most of our neighbors were retirees. They had raised their kids here, sent them to the local schools, and were living in their three bedroom, ranch style homes as empty-nesters. There was one neighbor though...
We'll call her Diane, although that's not her name. I first met Diane after living here for about six months. My kids were four and two at the time, and she was walking with her almost-two-year-old son in his stroller. She stopped in the yard where I was gardening to introduce herself. Among the things she shared at that first meeting:
- She was a single mom
- Because her son's dad was married to someone else
- She did day care in her home if I needed a sitter
- She always paid her taxes because you don't f*ck with the IRS
- Her boyfriend would be coming over that weekend
- She couldn't wait to get laid
Are you getting a picture here? Let me point out that as a neighbor, although she shared more than you might want, she would do anything for you. As a day care provider? Yikes. Her version of day care was to lock the back gate and stick the kids in the backyard. They could come in to go to the bathroom or for lunch. Otherwise, entertain yourselves. And, "Shut the hell up! I can't hear myself think in here!" was the song she sang nearly every morning. Did I need a sitter? No, thanks.
She once held a women's sex toy home party, which she referred to as Toys for Tw*ts (rhymes with 'tots'). And has on more than one occasion informed anyone listening that she "couldn't wait to s*ck some d*ck."
It's getting more difficult here to avoid those Google searches!
So, imagine my surprise (back to 2004) when Younger Sis (who lived next door to Diane) came over one evening and said, "Guess who's getting an exchange student?"
Part 2 tomorrow...
Wow, the curiosity. Can't wait to read Part 2. LOL
Posted by: Amazing Greis... | October 06, 2008 at 07:24 AM
This tale contains all the fantastic elements of intrigue, passion, and just the proper hint of cursing. I'm in!
Posted by: foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) | October 06, 2008 at 08:16 AM
Oh Lord.
Posted by: Punk Rock Dad | October 06, 2008 at 09:45 AM
LOL! Awesome! I guess everyone knows someone like that! TMI entertains me greatly!
Posted by: Jess | October 06, 2008 at 10:32 AM
She was the one with the exchange student? OHMIGOSH!
Posted by: TennLady | October 06, 2008 at 10:34 AM
Oh, we're getting the picture allright.....
Posted by: Ellie | October 06, 2008 at 11:02 AM
I love multi-part stories. Bring it on!
Posted by: Mama Dawg | October 06, 2008 at 12:08 PM
I finished reading and the first words out of my mouth were the same as Punk Rock Dad. Oh Lord, indeed!
Posted by: the floydster | October 06, 2008 at 12:29 PM
Looking forward to seeing how this one ends.
I knew a sixteen year old French girl once...
AND I WAS 16 TOO! Sheesh.
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | October 06, 2008 at 01:22 PM
If you don't finish this like tonight, I'm going to drive to Michigan and find your house and demand to here the rest of this story. I'm an instant gratification kinda girl.
Posted by: Rachel | October 06, 2008 at 01:41 PM
My eyes just got all wide and the thought "Oh no she didn't" just crossed my mind.
Posted by: Kat | October 06, 2008 at 02:04 PM
Rachel - Better start driving.
Y'all - Tune in here, same time tomorrow. I have Parent Conferences until 8 p.m. tonight and tomorrow, so individual replies will be late.
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | October 06, 2008 at 03:59 PM
OH MY GOD, THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST STORY YOU'VE EVER TOLD! HUZZAH!
Posted by: Ms. Partly Cloudy | October 06, 2008 at 04:05 PM
Ok, I am fishing around for my car keys.....better put out an extra place setting. LOL
Posted by: Rachel | October 06, 2008 at 09:09 PM
Greisie - I need to do SOMETHING in between BFL posts...
FADKOG - more than a hint of cursing to follow.
PRD - I'm not even started yet.
Jess - this should be a good week for you!
TennLady - Oh, yeah.
Ellie - The picture will be more explicit
MamaDawg - I've learned from the best.
Floydster - Do you have a 7 inch mohawk, too?
Cap'n. D - That sounds even more dangerous.
Kat - Oh, yes, she did.
Ms. Partly Cloudy - you already know what happened.
Rachel - you won't like my cooking!
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | October 06, 2008 at 09:31 PM
Just waiting for part 2. I hope I have time to read it tomorrow....
Have you entered to win Petunia Pig?
Posted by: Lynn K. | October 06, 2008 at 09:49 PM
Diane "couldn't wait to s*ck some d*ck"? I guess Robert Frost was right - Good fellates make good neighbors.
Posted by: Husband-Styro | October 07, 2008 at 11:32 PM
Got it. now finally makes sense. i just need the last part of it.
Posted by: ray ban 3310 | October 08, 2008 at 05:04 PM
Interesting! I have to read the Part 2.
Posted by: vev from patio furniture | October 31, 2008 at 09:57 AM
Heh, Love when the story says..To be continued!
Posted by: Mac from Motorcycle Fairing | November 03, 2008 at 10:39 AM