This week's Spin Cycle is pretty wide open to interpretation. So I started wondering about my "What Ifs" lately. Unfortunately, most of them end up at WebMD.
What if I need a colonoscopy? Ew.
What if I need an endoscopy? More ew.
What if I have to do both? Can they do both at the same time? What if the hoses meet in the middle?
What if they find something that shouldn't be there?
What if the herniation of my lumbar discs has gotten worse?
What if they recommend surgery?
What if it HASN'T gotten worse and I'm just screwed because no one can figure out why it freaking hurts so much right now?
So you can see my state of mind is not really well-suited right now for handling "What Ifs" and I'm much better off with my head in the sand. If you need me, I'll be right here, with the other ostriches.
I TIVO Ellen on my kitchen tv and today (but it could have been yesterdays because with TIVO you never really know for sure) show she talked about having the colonoscopy and the endoscopy at the same time. She said the day before "prep" was the bad part ... that you get anesthesia and you don't even remember the procedures.
I do hope all is well with you.
Posted by: Debbie | January 14, 2009 at 08:01 PM
Oh, yeah, the what if's for you are a little complicated.
I hope it all goes well! And you're linked!
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | January 14, 2009 at 08:23 PM
Damn. Wish I could offer some words of advice, but I haven't a clue what to say. I'll be thinking of you, if that helps. And I hope you feel better soon. I like your writing and your humor. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: Dawn on MDI | January 14, 2009 at 08:37 PM
"What if the hoses meet in the middle?" - too funny Claire! Chris sticks his head in the sand sometimes too. Maybe you two will run into each other. Sounds to me like you're doing a pretty good job of studying the landscape. I'm proud of you Ms. Ostrich. Love, Chris
Posted by: Csquaredplus3 | January 14, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Yes....But, WHAT IF they give you percocet?! OR, What if there is a really cute doctor there (or as I like to call them, Plan B!)??
So sorry you are going through this! I hope it ends soon!
Posted by: Michel | January 14, 2009 at 08:58 PM
Don't cross the streams.
"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."
Posted by: Captain Dumbass | January 14, 2009 at 09:11 PM
Going through some what ifs, myself, MAW...best of luck to you. I'm sending positive thoughts your way!
Posted by: Ginny | January 14, 2009 at 10:38 PM
Or you can deal with insurance who thinks it is not necessary to have any anesthia for these procedures.
Posted by: TennLady | January 14, 2009 at 11:10 PM
Hi! I found your blog on the NaBloPoMo January 2009 Blogroll.
There's a lot of that whatiffing in infertility, too. What I never get pregnant (again)? What if I get pregnant and then lose it (again)? What if I get pregnant and there's something wrong? What if I never get pregnant ever again? It just never stops.
You have my sympathies as you prepare for your procedures.
Posted by: Sarai | January 15, 2009 at 12:12 AM
What if all of the tests come back and the Doc. orders you to stay in bed, blog and eat huge amount of ice cream, well probably not with an GI problem, but you never know.
Good Luck!
Posted by: Aliceson | January 15, 2009 at 06:50 AM
Debbie - If Ellen can do it, I can do it! I think.
S.K. - Welcome to my jungle.
Dawn - Thanks for the good thoughts...
Chris - Yeah, ha ha ha! I wasn't kidding.
Michel - I like how you think. But I don't want a cute doctor for that. A cute doctor can look at my feet (after a pedi). Cute docs = too much prep.
Captain Dumbass - Okay, that's bad. Good tip, Egon.
Ginny - fingers crossed for you,then, too.
TennLady - Nah, mine would pay for a circus elephant if the doc wrote it up.
Sarai - Welcome! And I went through your what ifs a long tome ago. Number one took two years to conceive. Number two was a miscarriage, number three was sooner than we thought!
Aliceson - Yeah, already off the ice cream. I could do the bed an blogging with one intestine tied behind my back! Ew.
Posted by: Middle-Aged-Woman | January 15, 2009 at 06:59 AM
Well let's try and look at the up side - drugs.
Colonoscopy - besides that whole prep part, things are good. Get a few good magazines and a foot prop (cause my ass totally went to sleep during prep time) and kick back, poop and relax. And hopefully, if your doctor is like mine, he will be giving you Demerol and life will be GOOD.
Endoscopy...again, good drugs. I have never had one of those, but many people have survived before and well, drugs...good drugs.
LMAO - hoses meet in the middle...awesome! OK, maybe not so awesome to you, but the visual is hilarious.
As far as the rest of that crap, you will cross that bridge when you get there...things are gonna be OK! OK? OK!
HUGS!!!!!!
Posted by: Jess | January 15, 2009 at 09:42 AM
So sorry you are under the weather right now. Hope things get resolved soon. I wish I had something light and witty to say but I don't.
On the other hand, if misery loves company then you are in sync with Linda C. After her hip replacement this week, she has not been able to tolerate any pain meds. That means she either throws up all day long or has to try to tolerate the pain without meds. Her physical therapy sessions have been a real bitch.
You two need to get together
Love ya. :-)
Posted by: Chickadee | January 15, 2009 at 10:08 AM
What if we were all ostriches underneath our human skin?
See, I can't play the what if game good. I'm too weird.
Posted by: Mama Dawg | January 15, 2009 at 11:00 AM
Wow, I've had things done to be at both ends before, but never...those kinds of things. Um. I'm sure if the hoses met in the middle, they wouldn't get tangled together and require surgery to get them back apart.
Posted by: Cat | January 15, 2009 at 02:20 PM
Hey, how are you doing? Hope all is well.
Posted by: Leon | January 15, 2009 at 05:03 PM
Hey, sorry to hear you're going through so much medical melodrama, not to mention PAIN. Next time, ask for an "open MRI." I had one a couple of years ago and it wasn't bad at all. I get claustrophobia in the small galleries at DIA. Can't imagine the tube confinement. Don't sweat either a colonoscopy or endoscopy. The prep for the south end is lots worse. Just no food for the north end. You sleep through both procedures (but maybe you'd wake up if the tubes did indeed kiss). I'm surprised to read that others mentioned pain medication. None needed in my opinion. I only have second hand info. for the endoscopy, having recently been the designated driver for Josh. Had my own colonoscopy last month, though. The fourth, since my mother died of colon cancer. All clean after the first one, so it definitely saved me grief. I'll be thinking about you, wishing you well. Love, Linda M.
Posted by: Linda | January 15, 2009 at 11:57 PM
I hate being "this age". Well, old. Well, not really old, yet, but almost old. Now you've reminded me that I need to make an appointment for a physical, as well as an appointment with my hairdresser to cover my gray. Sigh.
Posted by: Ginger | January 16, 2009 at 09:03 AM
Claire -- Just consider the colonoscopy a great way to fit into your skinny jeans AND get a needed nap and you'll do fine. So sorry that you're having trouble. Good luck with your journey toward health -- and you will get there.
Posted by: Cathy | January 16, 2009 at 03:13 PM
Hope all goes well for you. Your what if spin has me sending good thoughts your way.
Posted by: phhhst | January 18, 2009 at 11:37 AM