Why is this simple pile of paper so damn daunting? Nothing in here is time-intensive. Some of the stuff in this pile will net us some cash. And yet, here it sits. It's all very neat, really, it's just waiting to be attended to. Every once in a while, I will get the yen to be productive (sadly, the whiles are very, very once-ish), and I will whip through a pile like this, culling, updating, paying, filing, etc. Today is the day. But only because I am making it happen. No yen in sight. It's mostly medical, which I handle in our household, because medical billing and insurance are ridiculously complex, although I am not complaining. I am grateful to have some really wonderful insurance coverage, enabling us to get treatment when we need it.
How long do you think it will take before the next pile accrues?
I'm not really strutting, but I must say I am feeling pretty self-righteous. Got up this morning around 7:00, because I like to. I'm definitely a morning person. Had some breakfast, read some blogs, had a cup of coffee, recaulked half the tub, drove to yoga class, stretched like crazy, felt really good, drove home, picked up a scrip at the pharmacy because I planned it that way, and home before noon. Now, I get the rest of the day to feel good about myself.
And completely push from my mind the fact that I ate FIVE Dunkin' Donuts in 24 hours.
Oh, yeah. Getting my shit together. Finishing things.
Second item finished is something I can't blog about right now, because there is a surprise involved (though the surprise is included to make me feel less shitty about taking so long to make things right. So, less of a surprise than a penance that will end up being kind of cool, but not as cool as if I hadn't been such a shithead in the first place.) Are we all clear on that? Okay, then.
I have finally decided it was time for my diet to grow up, at least a little bit. The Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts Daily Regimen tasted awesome and was sooooo happy-making, but my admittedly very small inner-adult was protesting. Not very much, because she's pretty juvenile, too, but still.
So I went to Costco on the way home from Yoga class, and now the fridge is absolutely bulging with fruits and vegetables. And yesterday, I started the day with a lumbar epidural steroid injection, which meant I couldn't drive (not that I would have anyway...that's another issue, the not wanting to leave the house, ever, thing, but one small step, you know?), so I was at home with things to eat that were GOOD FOR ME and my body felt all weird all day, probably from the anesthesia, but I like to think it was from the intestinal shock of actual nutrients.
Plus, there's that thing of feeling like a trim, graceful middle-aged woman with wonderful fashion sense who is stunned at every mirror to see this frumpy, lumpy person with formerly awesome hair that has become all dry and yucky-colored, and weighs about 25 pounds more in reality than in my imagination. How does that happen?
And saggy. Gah! I don't like the saggy at all. I once heard that there are two ways to age...to wrinkle, or to sag, and I am definitely in the latter category. Any wrinkly people out there? Would you prefer the droopy-dog look?
*Sigh* , I don't think this post turned out to be very uplifting. Maybe the whole "getting my shit together" thing required a brain-dump. Let's hope.
For the last 8-10 weeks, my lower back pain issues have been roaring for attention, along with other things in my life, so I am on a short medical leave from work while I get my shit together.
In an effort to give some structure to my days while I am off, I am also trying to finish things.
I am a great starter of things. I only finish about 50% of the time. So, while I am off, I will be finishing the unfinished, and blogging about it, so you can see what a pathetic project person I am.
The first thing I finished was the painting in my bedroom. Handy Jeff had done the walls, ceiling and trim, all while the yucky carpet was still in place, to protect the pretty hardwood floor underneath. That meant that after (now) 20-year-old Boy took up the yucky carpet, there were bits that needed paint, very close to the new shoe moulding. Handy Jeff did the painting in August, 2011. Five months later, I finished the touch-up. That's actually pretty good, for me.
The second thing I finished was this, which I did yesterday:
22-year-old New Bride's kitchen, still has the original knotty pine cabinets, and built-in banquette seating. The vinyl on the seating was orange-and-white gingham, and 60-years-old. I found some vinyl on sale at the fabric store in a butter-soft mustard/gold color, and started re-covering them. Eighteen months ago. *Sigh* But now, the last two pieces are complete, and ready to be reinstalled, thanks to Handy Jeff and his nail gun. The staple gun was not strong enough to punch into the wood used in the construction of these pieces, which is why the project got put on hold for a very long time.
Hopefully, this blogging and finishing will not only give structure to my days, it will also keep them from turning into a haze of napping and Pop Tarts.
March 25th - April 4th: Visit paradise in Florida, escape from horrible Michigan winter to gorgeous, sun-drenched beaches of Captiva Island. Spend an inordinate amount of time napping, or hanging out in bed, even when paradise is right outside my freaking door. Come home and slog back to work, to immediately contract throat/respiratory thing wherein, by April 10th, I am coughing up chunks of unknown substance. Ick.
April 12th: Visit to Internist, to see about amazingly long-lasting sore throat. Am prescribed antibiotic for throat infection. Internist notices enlarged thyroid, and does blood tests, schedules ultrasound.
April 19th: Monthly visit to Dr. R, the pain guy. Point out recent symptoms of mood swings, lethargy, exhaustion, increased battles with depression. Intend to speak to psychiatrist (part of the pain clinic methodology is to attack pain on all fronts, physically, chemically, emotionally, as all are connected--hence the need for the psychiatrist, instead of a therapist) about a possible increase in meds for depression. Mention thyroid stuff, and am advised to bring this up with psychiatrist as well.
April 20th: Ultrasound at Internist's office. Blood test results are back, low-ish, but normal. Prescribed second round of antibiotics for lingering throat ickiness. Later in the day, visit psychiatrist, a woman, my age, who relates completely to this tale and tells me SHE is being being treated for symptoms of hypothyroidism, even though she shared that her blood tests came out like mine. Suggests I speak to internist, after ultrasound results about being treated for same as "sub-clinical hypothyroidism." Leave with hope.
May 2nd: First possible appointment with Internist, who has been out of town for a well-deserved week in the sun. Is "meh" about the concept of "sub-clinical hypothyroidism," and decides to send me to specialist. Hope diminishing.
May 10th: Monthly visit to pain guy, Dr. R. Update him on (lack of) progress.
May 19th: Earliest possible visit with specialist. Am told 17-day lead time is actually "quick." Am skeptical. Waiting room: 55 minutes. Give more info to resident: 15 minutes. Visit with actual endocrinologist: <5 minutes. Direct quote: You're normal. I can't do anything for you. Indirect quote: That will be $150.00. Later that evening, tell Buddy I am determined to keep pushing until someone HELPS ME. Next move, call psychiatrist's office for another appointment (see April 20th).
May 25th: Return to psychiatrist. Relate complete tale of woe, and before I can even get there she says, "...and you'd like me to prescribe for you." Hope restored.
June 5th: Have been taking infinitesimal dose of levathyroxin for 12 days. Dramatic improvement. Am considering actual social life again. Much happier at work. Much happier everywhere. Even in the face of pain flare-up, unrelated, which I know can be taken care of soon.
My recommendation: Don't give up. If you can't be your own advocate, find someone who CAN be.
