Gentlemen, and Chickadee, this post is not for you...see you tomorrow.
.
.
.
In February of last year, Bud and I went to Captiva Island with Leslie and Larry. The girls spent some time shopping one day while the guys were golfing. I tried on and purchased a tankini. My first two piece bathing suit in many years. It has boy shorts, which I wanted, truthfully, because there would be less...maintenance...necessary to wear it.
I do not wax. Except my eyebrows, very rarely. I am a total wimp about having hair ripped out by the roots. To try that around the devil's triangle was just a non-starter for me. Not. Gonna. Happen. At Target the other day, I saw the depilatories, and picked up the Nair designed for the "bikini area."
Years ago, when we figured out that our son was...entertaining himself...we were trying to keep him off of p0.rn sites on the internet, because they were loading shit on out computers, aside from the fact that they were just yuck. "You know, I'm sure your dad has some old magazines downstairs..."
"Eww. No way!"
"Are you kidding? How can it be worse than that stuff online?"
"Two words, mom. Pu.bic H4ir."
See, the new thing is a shaved...area...and not just trim and neat, either. We're talking bald as a cue ball. This, to me, seems exceedingly weird. I can recall being 12 years old, and just waiting for that hair to show up! It was a rite of passage. Now, grown women are...stripping it down to bare skin? Huh.
So, I had done a little research, and decided that, as a treat for Buddy, I would try out a landing strip. Did you know you can go to Wikipedia.org and see pictures of this? Yes, you can. So, at shower time on Sunday, I applied the Nair very carefully, in order to leave just the...the...not much of a...the landing strip.
Then I thought, hmmm. I have to stand here for ten minutes, I should go get a book to read.
Did you know that the act of walking involves...certain parts...there's some friction...and of course, transfer of some depilatory, which I did not realize until about minute eight, because it's not supposed to GO there, and thank goodness the shower was available, and some aloe too. And oh, holy gawd, it's completely bald! Aaaaaaaaakkkk!!!!
I sent an e-mail to Bud.
From: Me
To: You
Subject: Oops.
So. Do you, by chance, know what a Brazilian is?
Signed,
Eek.
As weird as it looks? Is NOTHING compared to how it feels. Everywhere I go, I'm thinking...do we need milk?...I am bald as a billiard ball...wow, the leaves are really opening up now....urgh, I can feel everything down there!...did I take the chicken breasts out of the freezer...well...you get the picture.
So...yeah.
